So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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