yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
