oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
