I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
