Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
