It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
