thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
