so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
