i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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