I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
