woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
