im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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