imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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