my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
