im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
