He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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