90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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