you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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