a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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