I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
