This house was built for laser tag.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
