Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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