Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
