I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
