So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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