Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
