I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Im part way to drunk.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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