There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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