What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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