i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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