did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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