That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
