At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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