I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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