Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My breasts were aching with rage.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
