Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
