That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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