You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
