And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
