Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize