My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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