PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
