I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
