Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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