We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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