please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize