And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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