Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
