You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
