I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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