I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my shit smells like andre
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
