I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
