I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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