forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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