i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
