remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
