So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize