her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
