Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
