My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
