i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
