hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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