READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
