i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
