I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
