Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
