dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
