If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
