And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize